Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Before you say "I DO"

Top 10 topics to talk about before you tie the knot

By Denise Wild


• How often you would like to have sex? Once a week? Once a day? You may be different from your partner on this point. How will you compromise?
• How adventurous are you? Any no-go zones? What makes you comfortable?
• Pornography? Yay or Nay?

• Are you a spender, a saver, a giver, or a builder? Do you like to stick to a budget?
• Will you combine your finances?
• How much debt are you bringing to the relationship? What's the wedding budget?

• Are we going to have children? How many? When?
• How happy was your childhood? What will you do the same as your parents? What will you do differently?
• When children come along which will be the priority: your children or your relationship? How do you think you will address this issue?

• How involved in your life, your affairs, your parenting, your arguments will your parents or in-laws be?
• Is blood thicker than water or does your spouse come before your family?
• How much time to you want to spend with your family or your partner's family?

• Do you like The Holidays (whatever that means in your culture) or do they stress you out?
• Whose family do you visit? Will you spend holidays with your parents, with in-laws, on your own together, or alternate?
• What holidays do you celebrate? How? What are the different holidays/cultural celebrations that are important to you?

• How important is your religion to you? Will one of you convert?
• If you are from different religions or one is religious and one is not, explicitly agree how you will handle it. Don't expect to convert in either direction anyone by stealth.
• What faith, if any, will your children be?

• How will the household chores be divided up? How will you decide who does what?
• How messy are you? Describe your housekeeping style. Will you improve or relax?
• Is there anything that you really hate doing? Maybe you and your sweetie can "do a deal" and swap things you don't like.

• How do you like to be treated when you are home sick with a cold or flu?
• When you are sick do you suffer and keep on working or do you go to bed until healthy? Do you exercise through it? Medication or no medication?
• How do you think you will you look after aging parents? Discuss some possible scenarios.

• How do you argue? Do you like conflict or avoid conflict? Is your style passive-aggressive?
• Is it more important to win the argument or to keep the relationship strong? Can you agree to disagree? Can you let the small stuff slide, or do you always have to be right?
• Describe for your partner an argument or disagreement you had at work or with a friend. How did you handle it? How might you have handled it better?

• What are your health and fitness goals? How can your partner help you meet them?
• Do you have any health conditions, or addictions that you may not have told your spouse-to-be about?
• What health issues worry you? Why?

FOR BEST RESULTS You and your partner should answer the questions separately-even write them down-and then compare answers afterwards.

The Journal of Family Psychology stated in March 2006 that doing formal premarital education and preparation will reduce a couple's risk of divorce by up to 30%.

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