Thursday, January 22, 2009

Men & Women 2

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Stupid Celebrity Quotes

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields

"So many of the people in the arenas here were under-privileged anyway. This is working very well for them."
- Barabra Bush (September 2005, during the Katrina disaster)

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.”
- Samuel Goldwyn

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
- Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President

"I think that the film 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.
-Alicia Silverstone

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.
Arnold Schwartzanegger

"The Internet is a great way to get on the Net."
-Bob Dole

"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future"
-Yogi Berra

Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.”
- George W. Bush

"I was asked to come to Chicago because chicago is one of our 52 states."
- Raquel Welch

"What's Walmart? Do they sell, like, wall stuff?"
- Paris Hilton

"The word 'genuis' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theismann

"Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?"
- George W. Bush

"I've got taste. It's inbred in me."
- David Hasselhoff

"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know it's very popular out there in Africa."
- Britney Spears

"So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”
- Christina Aguilera

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.”
- George W. Bush

"A zebra does not change its spots."
- Al Gore 1991 (and again in 1992)

"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher."
- Linda Evangelista

"Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."
- Rush Limbaugh

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
- Dan Quayle

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." Dan Quayle

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'" - Jessica Simpson

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." - Dwight Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Danny Ozark, Phillies manager

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" - Christina Aguilera